Our past never passes...

"Our past never passes", it never ends, it is always here, lurking in the background waiting to reappear.

I remember the first time I came to realize that and articulate it... it was terrifying yet reassuring at the same time.

We are our past, stretched beyond certain moments… all the way to Eternity.

I can go on and on (and probably will), but the past 48 hrs I experienced yet another profound realization (at least felt profound to me)…

I found myself remembering my father, the root of all my past.

All of a sudden, a flooding wave of memories, thoughts and feelings.
I could see it, smell it, hear it, touch it...

Don’t worry I am not hallucinating or suffering from a sudden manic attack (as you know the therapist in the clinical social worker keeps me honest and keenly aware)… 

It was just that sort of remembrance, the one that you never forget.

Of course  soon enough, I started "rationalizing" that as a side effect  to an overdose of the subliminal messages flooding us from  "Father's Day" advertisement. However, such attempt to brush it off failed and found myself typing on Facebook the following posting:

Happy Father's Day to my Dad.

بكره عندنا في أميركا يوم عيد الأب . حبيت ابارك لأبونا في هذا اليوم، كان ابا عمل كل ما بوسعه ليوفر لنا كثير من الفرص التي لم توفر له.

كان مثالاً لكل ما تعنيه كلمة "إنسان" بكل محتواها من ايجابيات وسلبيات. كان حنون وقاسي، سعيد وغاضب، شديد وسهل، مشجع ومحبط. تعلمنا منه الكثير، اخذنا منه الكثير، وترك لنا ورثاً كبير من الذكريات والدروس والعلاقات...شيء يفتقده الكثير من آباءهم الذين تركوا خلفهم أراضي وورث (يعني لو كان ساب قرشين ماكنتش رفضتهم).

تعلمت منه الكثير، ولكن أحد الدروس التي لن أنساها هي تعلقه بالحياة بكل محتواها...بشقتها وسعادتها، بلحظات املها ويأسها، كان حي لآخر رمق في حياته. أتمنى ان اتعلم هذا الدرس جيدا وأتقن معناه، فهو هذا بعض الميراث الذي تركه لنا.

عاوز كمان أتمنى لكل أب فيكم أحلي يوم واسعد الأمنيات 

Translation in English:

Tomorrow is father's day here in the US, soI wanted to wish our father, Happy Father's.
He was a father who did everything in his power to provide us with many opportunities that he did not get as child.
He was living example to what the word "human" means, with all its positives and negatives. He was gentle and rough, happy and angry, hard-to-get-along-with and easy to know, encouraging and discouraging.  We learned a lot from him and through him. We took a lot from him. He left us with a great  inheritance of memories, lessons, and relationships, something many never get from their father despite all the money and land they leave them behind (of course, I also would not have minded some cash inheritance).
Personally, I learned a lot from him. However, one of the most memorable lessons I will never forget, is his strong attachment to life with all it brings us; hardships or happiness, moments of hope or despair… He was alive to his very last breath. I hope I can master that lesson well enough, and truly embrace its meaning for this the key inheritance he left us.
I also wanted to wish each of you as a father, Happy Father's Day.

Today was no exception; after a lovely morning walk with Mary in the city, and a typical Facebook status saying: 

Hello from New York, it's Saturday Morning live with Mary Rafferty Haroun ❤

As I walked down Broadway feeling calm and nostalgic, my phone dinged… 

a Facebook private message from a friend I lost touch with 25 years ago… 

My past saying hello, reappearing from around the corner of memories. 

Once again, it all felt as real and "present" as it did 25 years back. 

We exchanged messages, then decided to further humanize it and  talk over voice. 

It was amazing, pleasant, reassuring. It was my past saying hello… 

welcome back old friend, I really missed you...